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Do not ask me to be a unicorn, because the answer will forever be a no.
I learned that when people asked me to be their horse-like mythological creature, it did not mean that they wanted to do some kind of fantasy roleplay (although I imagine it could have involved that if that was something they were into). When I was on dating apps, at the time I had thought it was appropriate to put my sexuality in my profile. It made it clear that I was attracted to more than cisgender males. Big mistake. After less than 24 hours from when my profile went LIVE — I was ready to redact that information permanently. It was just not something I was into. Then even when I created a section on my profile of “Do Not Message Me if You Are Asking Any of The Following”… I still got those kinds of messages. So to support those who are open to dating a bisexual, the following statements are gross generalizations. Some of them may be true for some bisexuals, but never go into a conversation or relationship assuming these are facts.
1. “Bisexuals are 50/50 when it comes to males and females.”
Let’s define bisexuality first because it will help explain the statement above. Bisexuality use to be thought of as a sexuality that involves being attracted to both genders in a gender binary system. However, to be more inclusive, bisexuality is now being defined more often as being attracted to more than one gender. Think of the BI- in bisexual as someone who is attracted to (1) someone of the same gender as them and (2) someone of a different gender as them. Now just like other sexualities, every bisexual person has their own respective preferences. This means that just because they are bisexual, it doesn’t mean that they lean to genders equally. A person could be more attracted to males, but are still attracted to females. A person could be more attracted to non-binary, and are still be attracted to females and males. Etc.
2. “I can change them to be lesbian/gay OR heterosexual.”
First off, never try to approach a person with the underlying intention of “changing” their sexuality to your liking. That’s not nice. This generalization often occurs when bisexuals enter into a relationship. So if I went into a relationship with a cisgender guy, people might assume that I am no longer a bisexual and am in fact a heterosexual. Same goes for if I went into a relationship with a queer person, it is assumed that I am no longer interested in cisgender males. A person’s sexuality does not change based on their relationship status. A person who is bisexual can be a bisexual for as long as they want.
3. “Bisexuals are just lesbians who are too afraid to be queer because of their heterosexual upbringing.”
Yes… you read that correctly. It’s not just heterosexuals that stereotype bisexuals, it’s also people in the queer community that make gross generalizations too.
4. “They are more likely to cheat and are not able to commit.”
Unfortunately, bisexuals have been thought of to be cheaters or people that are not able to be in a relationship long-term. I think this myth might have come from misunderstanding what bisexuality was and the idea that bisexuals were not able to “commit” to a specific gender preference. I believe that a person’s likelihood to cheat/not stay in a relationship is based more on their character, values, beliefs and decisions they make with relationships and NOT their sexual orientation.
5. “Guys are usually straight or gay.”
Guys can identify as bisexual too — if they want to.
6. “Bisexuals are hyper sexual beings.”
Bisexuals may or may not enjoy certain sexual activities. Again, the preference for sexual activities goes back to the person and what they enjoy, value, need, and want. They may like the idea of a threesome. They may be super grossed out at the idea of sharing partners. They may believe in monogamy. They may not like porn. They may like kinks. They may not have any fetishes. They may or may not [insert whatever you are thinking here]. A bisexual’s openness and preferences for sexual activities are not solely based on their sexual orientation.
7. “You can’t be a bisexual, you have never been with someone of the same gender.”
This is not true. A person can be a bisexual without having experience beyond heterosexual relationships. The same goes for a female who identifies as a heterosexual. She may have never been in a relationship with a person of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, but she may know deep down she is heterosexual. The same goes for a male who identifies as gay. He may have never been in a relationship with a girl, but he may know deep down he would never be attracted to that gender. Etc.
8. “It’s just a phase.”
Being bisexual doesn’t automatically make them confused about their sexuality. This might have come from the misunderstanding between biCURIOUS vs biSEXUAL plus other things. People who self-identify as bicurious are often those who are interested in exploring their sexuality beyond their current sexuality preference. Then with those who self-identify as bisexuals, they often have already established that they are attracted to more than one gender.