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“Are you sure this is normal?”, I would ask.
Little did I realize how many times I would look at something or hear something that would make me think, “Really?” The more exposure I got to the queer dating scene, I realized how important it is to know who you are. Specifically, it helps to know what boundaries you are comfortable with when it comes to your partner and the way they interact with their friends. If you don’t know that and you are not able to communicate your thoughts or feelings, be prepared for some challenging conversations. As much as it is important for your queer partner to continue to build their platonic relationships, it is just as important for you to not feel wary about them. To help navigate what can be an awkward discussion, check out the areas below as a reference for defining your respective boundaries.
Boundary 1: Physical Touch
- Kissing (ex. forehead, head, hand, cheek, lips)
- Hugging (ex. where do hands go?)
- Cuddling/Snuggling (ex. position, location)
- Public Displays of Affection (PDA) (ex. holding hands, grinding, nuzzling)
Boundary 2: Virtual Communication
- Messaging and Calling Frequency (ex. when with partner, when without partner)
- Sex Talk (ex. teasing, innuendos)
- Responding to Social Media Posts (ex. thirst traps)
Boundary 3: Sharing Relationship (what’s private vs what can be shared with friends)
- Fights (ex. resolved vs unresolved)
- Sex (ex. toys, positioning, foreplay)
- Partner'(s) Insecurities or Personal Matters (.ex. self, finances, family)
Boundary 4: Exes, Situationships & Potentials
- Contact (ex. virtual, one-on-one, group)
- Availability in Responding to Needs/Wants (ex. cancelling or rescheduling something you had planned with your partner)
- Extended Periods of Time One-on-One (ex. trips, sleepovers)
Boundary 5: Finances
- Covering Expenses (ex. bills)
- Treating (ex. food, experiences, gifts)